Speak Up - Do not be afraid
"Never be afraid to say what you feel" reads a poster at work. It is posted above the desk of an outspoken coworker. It is a very important principle that I can relate to. I'd say a lot of my problems stem from internalising emotion and getting frustrated with others.
A few weeks ago I confronted my neighbour about his loud (drunken) dinner party on his back patio. He conducted it with the full knowledge that my bedroom is only five metres away. To cut a long story short I started to realise exactly what annoyed me so much. He was disrespecting me and I was letting him do it.
The next day I told him "I felt really disrespected by what you did last night" and "I've run out of courtesy." "If you invade my privacy with noise then I'll invade your privacy with noise." I also said it cold without any sort of sugar coating. I think that was the first time I'd done something like that and I felt monumentally better.
Over the next week or so I felt very liberated and less frustrated with others. I think because I wasn't expressing myself properly I would rely exclusively on manners and courtesy from others to get respect. As a result I would get angry with people who didn't observe convention or did not show proper courtesy.
I'll need to try and express myself adequately in future. A simple "That's not OK" could suffice in a lot of situations. But I need to do it with respect and without malice or accusation. And be ready to listen and discuss. Who knows, one day I might be able to do it with some style.
A few weeks ago I confronted my neighbour about his loud (drunken) dinner party on his back patio. He conducted it with the full knowledge that my bedroom is only five metres away. To cut a long story short I started to realise exactly what annoyed me so much. He was disrespecting me and I was letting him do it.
The next day I told him "I felt really disrespected by what you did last night" and "I've run out of courtesy." "If you invade my privacy with noise then I'll invade your privacy with noise." I also said it cold without any sort of sugar coating. I think that was the first time I'd done something like that and I felt monumentally better.
Over the next week or so I felt very liberated and less frustrated with others. I think because I wasn't expressing myself properly I would rely exclusively on manners and courtesy from others to get respect. As a result I would get angry with people who didn't observe convention or did not show proper courtesy.
I'll need to try and express myself adequately in future. A simple "That's not OK" could suffice in a lot of situations. But I need to do it with respect and without malice or accusation. And be ready to listen and discuss. Who knows, one day I might be able to do it with some style.
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